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Part II: The Collaborative Approach to Conflict

External Phases of the Collaborative Approach

The external phases of a collaborative approach provide a framework for engaging in a collaborative conflict resolution process with others. The framework is developmental and, even though conflict interaction is not linear, may be perceived as steps that build on one another.

There are four major external phases:

Opening

Opening is the act of one person approaching another for the purpose of beginning to resolve a conflict collaboratively. Opening is best accomplished by creating an environment that supports collaboration.

When you open a conflict conversation or respond to someone else’s initiative, be responsive to the other person’s reaction to your approach and to their readiness.

Setting a collaborative tone

Tone refers to the general feeling between you and the other person. Most conflict resolution efforts begin with tension, fears, and other challenging feelings. Establishing and maintaining a collaborative tone requires establishing rapport and reducing tension before delving into the substance of the conflict conversation. It is important to continue to monitor the tone throughout the conversation.

Maintaining a collaborative tone includes:

  • Using power to benefit both parties.
  • Communicating assertively and empathetically.
  • Referring to collaborative goals.
  • Depersonalizing the conflict.

Purpose of the Opening Phase

The main purpose of this phase is to establish a feeling of mutual commitment to discussing and resolving a conflict together in the safest and most collaborative atmosphere possible.

Establishing a collaborative atmosphere involves attending to both physical and emotional environments. It involves how and when you begin the conversation, your tone of voice, your facial expression, and the physical setting you have chosen. The opening phase recognizes that the way in which the collaborative conversation begins can largely determine how it unfolds.

Strategies of the opening phase may include: 

  • Finding a convenient time to discuss the conflict.
  • Agreeing on a mutually convenient, comfortable, and possibly neutral location or setting conducive to discussion conversation.
  • Acknowledging and valuing the need to resolve differences.
  • Expressing your collaborative intent about how to address and solve the conflict together.
  • Expressing motivation to resolve the differences to future mutual benefit, and assessing the other person’s readiness.
  • Listening attentively and expressing yourself clearly.
  • Keeping a positive attitude and remaining future focused.

Identifying

The identifying phase involves framing the aspects of the conflict for conversation. In this phase, both parties express how they think, feel, and perceive the various aspects of the conflict. Identifying conflict in defensive and judgemental ways can lead to an adversarial climate and destructive outcomes. Identifying aspects of the conflict in depersonalized, objective and neutral terms can lead to a more collaborative and inviting climate.

Purpose of the identifying phase

The identifying phase builds on the opening phase, and recognizes that what needs to be discussed may not be clear to one or both people in the conflict. This phase allows each person to establish the scope of the conversation by getting an overall sense of what needs to be resolved (the topics or subject areas requiring resolution).

This phase also presumes that ensuing conversation will make more sense and be more focused if the general scope of the problem is understood before it is explored. Regardless of who initiates the discussion, this phase ensures that both parties get an opportunity to say what it is they want to talk about and attempt to resolve.

Strategies of the identifying phase may include:

  • Stating your own point of view with respect to what you want to resolve in neutral, depersonalized terms.
  • Inviting the other person to share his or her point of view with respect to what they want to resolve.
  • Listening actively when the other person is speaking to ensure understanding.
  • Checking for clarity while depersonalizing what they have said.
  • Combining both sides’ topics into an agenda.
  • Using descriptive language to frame agenda items in a way that does not assign blame or specify an outcome.

Exploring

During the exploring phase, each party learns what underlies the dispute and comes to understand the perspectives, needs, values, and beliefs of both the other person, and themselves.

This phase presumes that resolution can be reached more easily by achieving a truer and fuller understanding of one another, and working through differences and similarities without judgement and blame.

Purpose of the exploring phase

The exploring phase of the conversation involves delving into the aspects of the past conflict (as determined in the identifying phase) for meaning and importance to both sides. It allows each party to relay what is important to them about that aspect, and why it is important.

In collaborative conflict resolution, exploring the other person’s motivations and self-disclosing your motivations helps both parties understand the conflict more deeply.

Motivations include our goals, beliefs, and hopes, as well as our concerns and fears. This phase involves questioning, listening, and asserting. It’s important to maintain an attitude of curiosity rather than judgement as you try to understand the different points of view.

In this process of mutual discovery, areas of agreement begin to develop. You may find yourself thinking differently as a result of hearing what the other person says, and then being able to clear up assumptions and misunderstandings. Thoughts move toward ideas that help resolve the conflict in ways that lead to more mutual satisfaction.

Strategies of the exploring phase may include:

  • Stating and checking your assumptions.
  • Looking for common ground.
  • Exploring what is important for each of you regarding the identified topics.
  • Clarifying the interpretation of words, phrases, and information.
  • Expressing and acknowledging feelings.
  • Listening actively and continuing to check for understanding.
  • Being descriptive rather than judgemental.
  • Asking open-ended questions.
  • Speaking your perspective in a respectful and assertive way.
  • Summarizing what is important to both parties in this exploration.

Closing

The closing phase can achieve either an expression of resolution or establish a temporary end to the conversation without a resolution. When a satisfactory resolution has been reached, it often includes a change in feelings between the parties as well as a resolution of the issues in dispute. Closing of this type may include decision-making, apologizing, creating a plan, providing restitution, reconciling negative feelings and/or physical demonstrations of friendship like shaking hands or hugging.

When closing is either temporary or about ending discussion even though the conflict still exists, it may look and feel quite different from resolution. This type of closing may include taking time out to cool down, getting more information, living with the situation as it is, trying another method or style to resolve the conflict or deciding simply to go your separate ways.

True resolution occurs when both the heart and head have let go of the conflict. If the substance of the dispute is resolved (the head), but feelings between the parties are not reconciled (the heart), further discussion, the passage of time, or future positive interactions may be required before true resolution occurs.

The relationship aspect of closing may include:

  • Subsiding feelings of tension, anxiety, hostility, or resentment.
  • New and more positive attitudes towards the other person.
  • Feelings of connectedness, warmth, or friendliness towards the other person.

The content aspect of closing may include:

  • Looking for ways to amend what has happened in the past.
  • Looking at new ideas or changes to improve interactions in the future.
  • Checking to see whether ideas work for both parties.
  • Making agreements about who will do what.

Purpose of the closing phase

During this phase, both people generate possible mutually satisfying solutions to the conflict based on what is important to them. They then select the options that best satisfy their needs, both shared and distinct, as discovered in the exploring phase. The solutions that meet the most needs of both parties will be the best.

Strategies of the closing phase may include:

  • Inviting brainstorming – a mutual generation of options that meet the expressed needs of each party in the dispute.
  • Evaluating the options and checking for fairness to ensure that the needs of both parties are met.
  • Choosing one or a combination of options that work for both parties.
  • Forming an action plan: who, what, when, where, how, and work out the details.
  • Evaluating the effectiveness of the solution.
  • Attending to the relationship aspects of closing.

If a solution is still not apparent, try:

  • Creating more trust or energy, or reduce fear.
  • Breaking and coming back to the discussion later.
  • Agreeing that we have different views or see things differently, or agree that we cannot resolve the issue at this time and setting a time for future discussion.
  • Obtaining more information.

License

Foundations of Collaborative Conflict Resolution Copyright © 2017 by Justice Institute of British Columbia, Centre for Conflict Resolution. All Rights Reserved.