Part I: Conflict Awareness
Five Conflict Styles
There are five basic conflict styles. Each style reflects different attitudes toward conflict and the relationship with the other person. Examining your values about conflict and relationship helps to uncover your dominant style(s).
Although style(s) can change with new awareness and changing circumstances, your dominant style(s) reflects your habitual learned response to conflict. Under pressure, a person’s dominant style tends to surface.
Competing / Directing
This style is most self-focused and is least likely to be received as cooperative. Different modes related to this style vary from very forceful and domineering behaviours to more open and understanding (but still inflexible on outcome).
Avoiding
This style tends to turn away from conflict. Avoidance can be cooperative or adversarial but, as a dominant style, it can lead to unnecessary prolongation and escalation of conflicts. In many conflict situations, it serves neither person’s interests. When differences appear, behaviours can range from outright belligerent unwillingness to resolve conflict to a general ‘smoothing’ style. Short-term avoidance can be used constructively to allow both parties time to reflect on or prepare to address the conflict.
Accommodating / Harmonizing
This style is most focused on the other person and least focused on the self. Accommodating behaviour can be cooperative or adversarial in nature but, as a dominant style, leads to outcomes that favour the other person. Behaviours can range from total capitulation and disinterest in the outcome to ‘giving in’ after some exploration of the conflict.
Compromising
This style is focused on satisfying both parties, with a preference towards the self. It can be cooperative or adversarial, but as a dominant style, will tend toward a ‘split the difference’ solution and a competitive atmosphere. Behaviours range from very closed, positional stances to an approach that is more flexible and shows a willingness to move towards the middle.
Collaborating / Cooperating
This style focuses on satisfying both parties to the greatest degree possible. Behaviours range from making attempts to collaborate, to a committed attempt to continue using collaborative strategies even in challenging situations.
Use of conflict styles
Each conflict style has its appropriate uses, but the appropriateness of a particular style may differ between cultures. Depending on intentions and reactions, different behaviours can be intended and received as either adversarial or cooperative in nature.
Exercise: Conflict styles
Break into five groups. Each group works with the table below on one of the styles. The groups will rotate to give you a chance to comment on each style.
- What are the benefits of each style?
- Where are the drawbacks to each style?
Conflict styles grid – view one
This grid can be used to identify conflict styles. (Scott, 2007, p.27)
Conflict styles grid – view two
Exercise: My conflict style preferences
Identify key people in your life in the satellite circles and identify the conflict style you most often use with each one (write this on the line).
Questions to Ponder
- After looking at each situation you identified, how well is this style serving you and the other person?
- What if you were to focus on using a different style? How much would the situation and both of you benefit from a different conflict style? What impact might this have on the outcome?