Part I: Conflict Awareness
Knowing Your Conflict Approach
We tend to subconsciously develop conflict approaches over time. Because our approach proves useful in some circumstances, and can actually be a survival tactic at times, we tend to default to using it without thinking about alternative approaches.
Some approaches to conflict are adversarial while other approaches are cooperative in nature.
If your approach is adversarial, the climate of your engagement with the other may move toward low trust and guardedness, and the other person may move toward defensiveness and rigidity. If your approach is collaborative, the climate may be more inviting and comfortable, and the other person may move toward openness and flexibility.
By becoming more conscious of your own conflict approach, you open the door to learn other ways of engaging in conflict and shift out of unproductive patterns when they don’t serve you. Here are some qualities of adversarial and collaborative conflict styles:
Adversarial
- Tendency of conflict to escalate (intensify) and expand (increase in scope and size).
- Tendency toward miscommunication and misunderstanding.
- Guarded, defensive, & rigid behaviour, manner and atmosphere.
- Defensive posture and attack on differences.
- Lack of focus on commonalities.
- Coercion, close-mindedness, and resistance to change.
- Low concern for relationship.
- Strong desire to find resolution that meets own needs.
- Use of power to gain advantage for self.
Collaborative
- Tendency toward de-escalation of conflict.
- Willingness to listen and understand, desire to be listened to and understood.
- Friendly and open behaviour, manner, and atmosphere.
- Willingness to recognize and work with differences.
- Motivation to build on commonalities.
- Use of persuasiveness, awareness, and understanding used to achieve change.
- Attention paid to improving relationship.
- Desire to find resolution that works for both.
- Use of power to benefit both parties.