Part II: The Collaborative Approach to Conflict
Summary of External Phases
Opening phase
How am I working with the other person to create an environment conducive to reaching agreement?
Goal: establish a feeling of mutual commitment to discussing and resolving a conflict together, in as comfortable an atmosphere as possible.
- Agree on a mutually convenient, comfortable and possibly neutral setting conducive to discussion.
- Discuss awareness of the need to resolve differences.
- Express your motivation to resolve the differences to future mutual benefit and assess the other person’s motivation.
- Listen attentively and express yourself clearly.
- Maintain a positive, future focus.
Identifying phase
What are we here to resolve?
Goal: establish what needs to be resolved.
- State your own point of view with respect to what needs to be resolved.
- Invite the other person to share their point of view with respect to what they want to resolve.
- Listen actively when the other is speaking to ensure understanding.
- Check with one another for clarity.
- Depersonalize the conflict by stating topics in a neutral way that does not assign blame or specify an outcome.
- Combining both parties’ topics into an agenda.
Exploring phase
What is important and why is it important?
Goal: to give and receive information about what is important to each person, and why it is important.
- State and check your assumptions.
- Look for common ground.
- Explore what is important in terms of each other’s perspectives.
- Clarify the interpretation of words, phrases, and information.
- Express and acknowledge feelings.
- Listen actively and continue to check for understanding.
- Be descriptive rather than judgemental.
- Ask open-ended questions.
- Speak about your perspective in a respectful, assertive way.
- Summarize what is important to both parties in this exploration.
Closing phase
How do we meet our needs?
Goal: find a mutually satisfying outcome.
- Invite brainstorming to mutually generate options based on what is important to both people.
- Evaluate the options and check for fairness to ensure that the needs of both people are met.
- Choose one or a combination of options that work for both people.
- Form an action plan: who, what, when, where, how and work out the details.
- Evaluate the effectiveness of the solution.
If a solution is still not apparent:
- Create more trust and reduce fear.
- Break and come back to the discussion.
- Agree that you cannot resolve the issue at this time and set a time for future discussion.
- Obtain more information.
- Form an action plan (if needed).
- Attend to the relationship aspects of the discussion.