The Big Picture: Combining Inner and Outer Strategies

The diagram above is a map to guide you through conflict, not a formula to follow.

Your inner work and the outer phases come together to support a collaborative style.

Each phase of the conflict resolution process needs to be approached in a collaborative way in order for the conflict to move in a collaborative direction.

Conflict and its resolution are part of an ongoing cycle. Closing is often not the end of a conflict interaction. Relationships and situations continue and change, conflict dynamics re-emerge, and the cycle continues.

When Conflicts Don’t Resolve

The truth is that sometimes conflicts do not resolve. Possible reasons for why a conflict doesn’t resolve are varied and, for any given situation, those reasons might never be fully known to either or both parties.

We can only control half of any relationship. Sometimes, no matter what we say, no matter what we do, no matter how well-intended we are, we cannot and will not be able to “resolve” a conflict with someone else.

This is not a failure; it’s simply an opportunity to find a different way forward that does not involve the agreement of the other. Say to yourself, “I did my best, I lived up to my values, I invited collaborative engagement, and now I need to find another path.” It’s an invitation to yourself to find resolution within yourself.