The Collaborative View of Conflict

From perceiving conflict as always being …

• A disruption of order, a negative experience, or an error or mistake in a relationship.
• A battle between incompatible self-interests or desires.
• An isolated event we allow to define the entire relationship.
• A struggle between right and wrong, or good and evil.

To perceiving conflict as often being …

• An outgrowth of diversity that might hold possibilities for mutual growth and for improving the relationship.
• One part of a relationship, that involves needs, values, perceptions, power, goals, feelings, desires, etc.
• Occurrences that punctuate a long-term relationship and that can help clarify it.
• A confrontation between differences in certain aspects of a relationship but not to the exclusion of other aspects that are still there to build on.

(Weeks, 1994, p.8)