Resiliency

Before we can delve into the practice of self-care, we must understand what resiliency is. Resilience means being able to care for ourselves so we can also care for others. Resiliency is being flexible and engaging in effective coping mechanisms during everyday challenges or major life stressors. . These can be incidences ranging from having a bad day to those that have a lasting impact such as a serious illness, the death of someone you love or a terrible accident. Everyone has their own threshold of resilience and the ability to “bounce back” from adversity by being flexible in adjusting to change. Some people’s “straw that broke the camel’s back” occurs sooner than others.

Stressful events don’t have to define the outcome of how your life unfolds – increased resiliency can help you get through difficult circumstances and empower you to experience personal growth during various moments in your life.

What qualities would a resilient individual likely have?

• Tends to have a positive view
• Has a hopeful outlook
• Views change as a challenge
• Has a healthy emotional attachment to others
• Has a sense of humor
• Has a sense of personal competence
• Has a sense of self-compassion
• Takes opportunities for physical activity
• Asks for help
• Utilize problem solving and thinking of different ways to see situations
• Has effective coping strategies
• Manages emotions and impulses
• Is focused on the present
• Is able to identify realistic plans and steps^[1]

Resiliency is NOT…

…never feeling impacted by negative things

…never feeling stress, anxiety, or anger

…a trait you’re born with

…fixed for life

 

Greater resilience can be cultivated with practice! Here are 4 resilience-building strategies for you to consider:

Grow Your Mind

We can look at the bigger picture by viewing things from a broader, “panoramic” perspective, not a narrow “zoom” mode. Remembering that this experience is a moment in time, we can use it to look for opportunities for learning and growth. Practice building a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset.

Have you heard of the old saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”? Science shows us that you can indeed teach an “old dog” new tricks. Through the power of neuroplasticity, we can reconceptualize our world and rewire our brains in order to be a lifelong learner with the ability to change our behaviors.^[2] This enables us to look at things as they are so that we can respond thoughtfully and deliberately to our experiences.

Prioritize Relationships

Connect with understanding, trustworthy, and compassionate people. Some people drain you and others provide soul food. Get in the company of those who feed your spirit!

You’ve heard a lot about the fight, flight, or freeze response to stress, but have you heard of the “tend and befriend” stress response?  Research suggests that during stressful situations, humans rely on taking care of loved ones and connecting with others.^[3] When we care for others, it stimulates our brain with feelings of connection, empathy and trust. It increases motivation and optimism, inhibits fear, and protects against the harmful effects of stress.^[4]This doesn’t have to mean you have to take the time to volunteer somewhere, it could also mean simply supporting a friend in their own time of need. Remember that helping others doesn’t mean you set yourself on fire, but if you have the capacity to do so, it can help you nurture self-worth and a feeling of purpose.

Clarifying Priorities and Setting Goals

Slow. Down. Develop a realistic goal and do something achievable, even if it seems like a small accomplishment. Ask yourself “if I was able to focus on one thing only, what would that be?”  “If I could add a second thing, what would that be?”  As you build your capacity, you can add even more items.

Have you heard of SMART Goals? When setting goals, make sure it follows the SMART structure. The questions below can be used to create your goals.

Keep Things In Perspective

Try to embrace a realistic way of thinking rather than catastrophizing things that happen. You may not be able to change something stressful that happens to you, but you can change how you interpret and react to it. Understand that change is a part of life, and by accepting situations that cannot be changed it can help you reimagine those that can. Being resilient doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time and avoid pain and sadness. These are normal parts of a human existence. Focus on gratitude. Thinking about things we are grateful for reinforces our positiveness, improves our mood and helps us to cope with challenges.

Use the following to reflect on your perspective on events in your life.